Coming Out of the Closet...

Dear Followers,

Because of Martha's faint allusion to my super-natural powers (my lightning-speed reflexes) in her last post, I feel it is appropriate to come clean with you all - to explain to you all why you often stop and think, "there's something extraordinary about Adam." You probably won't be surprised to learn that I AM A SUPERHERO. Your suspicions are confirmed. I hope you don't feel bad for being kept in the dark for so long. I didn't even learn this fact until a few years ago. It all started in my first year of being married. Through a number of rather strange events, I realized that I wasn't exactly like other human beings. Three things opened my eyes to reality:

1. Mass Cell Growth (compare with Wolverine)

There are a few spots on my body that experience massive cell proliferation in the form of hair growth. I have this one little brown spot on my arm. I am blonde, but a little black hair grows out of this spot with amazing speed. One day I pluck... and before I know it, it's back. This was my first clue that got me thinking. Two other spots have similar characteristics: one is the small area between my eyebrows. Martha noticed unusual amounts of growth here during our engagement and commented that I should probably remove the hair, so as not to be mistaken for a unibro (a male wearer of a unibrow). Once I removed the hair, it kept coming back, and back, and back. The other high-growth area is the space inside my nostrils. Man, you wouldn't believe how fast those little hairs grow. To date, my longest recorded nose-hair was captured in November, 2009 during an evidence class and measured 15 mm.

2. Molecular Density (think: Superman)

I discovered this shortly after we got married and were on a trip through Europe. We would go swimming in lakes and rivers and everyone else had a great time floating around. But, alas, no floating for me. I even had trouble staying afloat in the Dead Sea! My suspicion was confirmed again and again when I, accidentally, would step on Martha's feet. She would react as though an elephant or a tank had just run over her feet. Surely, no regular human could elicit such a reaction. You might remember an earlier post where I described that, unknown to most people, I had already reached 200 lbs. as a young adult.

3. Lightning Reflexes (like Jedis)

I didn't discover this super power until recently - after Emily was born. She has this habit of spitting her binky out every time she sees food she wants to eat or a bottle she wants to drink. I surprised even myself with my super-human ability to catch her binky before it hit the floor ... like I knew it was going to happen...kind of creepy, I know.

So, now you know. For you skeptics out there, all I can say is, seriously, what else could be the explanation. I haven't really decided whether my mission is to save the world or declare war on peace and prosperity. I'm still trying to figure out how to put my special abilities to use. Nevertheless, I need a good hero name before I get going with the action. Let me know if you have any suggestions (the winning suggestion will receive a sample nose-hair).